It's been a very moody week for me ever since that very night that I sudden wake up. I couldn't cheer myself up even a little.

I've always have loads of problems to think. Friday night, Yiling came over to bake cookies and cake. But we started baking very late that night cos I've still gotta go Holland Turf Club to work till 10 plus. Vincent send me home that day and had even order a takeaway Hor Fun for me cos he knew that I didn't have my dinner. He's really a sweet guy that's what I can say. But guess I don't have the luck to ever got this kind of sweet guy as my boyfriend.

That night when Yiling came over, I've discuss with Yiling about whether Vincent was interested in me as the things that Vincent had done, was making feel very weird and really had no point of doing it. After hearing my points, Yiling told me that Vincent was indeed interested in me and the best part was, I'm also interested in him and so she feels that I should give it a try if he ever will to woo me.

But I'm scare and really don't know how and what to do. Mama always have alot of naggy things to say no matter was it a good person or a bad person I'm hanging out with. She always have alot of critism about my friends, no matter it's a male or female. I feel like she's going to drive me crazy.

I always had to be very careful if I want to make friends and that's why till now, I don't have a single friend by my side to chat to. She makes me no mood to ever make friends as I feel that there's no point in making friends cos end up, she will tell me side effects and critize those friends that I've made. I really feel no point in doing it.

I feel very lonely, very tired. I told mama about this guy that I hang out with is because I respect her as a mother and not to always shoot me. But end up, it's still the same. She makes me feel that there isn't love in this whole world but only money. And that's why what I'm thinking now was to everyday make more money.

I'm really feeling stress and tired now. I've got no one to talk to, I'm lonely. I've always thought that I could talk to Yan about my problems but NO. she didin't even bother to hear what i want to say, instead I'm always her listener. Why is it that I'm always other people's listener and end up I don't even have a listener? I feel soooo out of control already and feel like bursting out. I feel sooo heartache and sometimes I even feel difficulty in breathing. I really need my own room but who can give me and when will i ever allow to have one? I feel like going to the beach, I don't like home, it really stress me out, and was really leading me out of my mind.

I want to earn more money, I want to buy a house on my own. I don't want to stay with anyone else. I need space, a space for breathing. I'm tired of hiding everything in my heart, I feel so heavy right now.

I even hope that if one day, I can just sleep and never woke up again. What's life??? Life is just so ugly for me. I only like my school days, those days when i spend in secondary school and casino school. I really enjoy those days and that was my best days, where I can make loads of friends.